Sanctity of Marriage
Question from EX-HUSBAND on 6/16/2008:
How does the church look at a Catholic wife who files for divorce from a 12 year marriage, three kids, two of which are new born twins only a year old, without ever talking with a Priest, Deacon, or anyone within the Catholic Church for assistance? I thought she promised in precanna that she would do everything possible to save a marriage if it began to fail? Or did she lie?? She is a Dr. now and no longer needs my help with things and uses whatever excuse is good for that day to justify her actions.
I'm ready to move on and start a new life where I'm needed and appreciated. She feels that since I'm a father and a husband that I should automatically sacrifice myself for the good of the family, which I have done much of over the course of the past 12 years. But what's wrong with a little appreciation and affection and more importantly love displayed toward ones spouse for all that they do?? She listened to her friends (resident physicians) and never once asked for help from the church. These jr. physicians help destroy a Catholic marriage, break up a family and stir up a lot of @#$*!! I swear Father if I ever run into the people that convinced her to divorce me and seperate this family...I'd love to get some payback!! But I'll leave the issue of jusitce in GODs hands because he knows all and sees all. At the end of our lives we will be judged for our actions both good and bad!!
I've been a good father and a good and supportative husband. I helped her with a years worth of college (Snr Year), supported her through two years of dental school at Creighton Univ. before she withdrew from the program because she wanted to be a medical doctor and not a dentist. I support her decision and supported and encouraged her for two years while she waited to get into a medical school. I encured expenses with application fees, moving expenses, retired early from the military so we would be together as a family. I supported her during four years of medical school and again encured expenses for the move to her residency. yet "I'm" to blame because she didn't like her location that she chose to do her residency at, Texas. I'm to blame for everything. If she didn't love me or had issues about the marriage would a person bring a new life into the world and then divorce them from their father?? Is that normal?? Not in my world it's not!!
This woman is so in love with herself now and has such an ego now it's ridiculous. Everything is still my fault, yet she hasn't taken a good look at herself in the mirror either. Yet I have pity for her. I love the kids and know that my time with them will be brief. I feel like a surrogate father, a donor sorta speak and now a fool for even getting involved with her? But GOD knows best dosen't he!?! I leave it all in his hands, "Thy Will Be Done Lord". He has a plan for me and my kids, I just wish I knew what they where.
I'm somewhat of a control freak but not that bad, it's just the military in me. You can't just dump 21 years of experience over night. She wouldn't even let me spend time with my 11 year old son on Fathers Day!! There is nothing out there Father that would justify me not being able to see my kids. Nothing!! It's just her being difficult.
What happened to her Father, why the change since graduation?? She wasn't anything like this when I first met her and later married her. She wasn't like this in Dental school or Medical School (except the last year of Med School, that's when I started to notice the changes in her personality. Her Mom is like that. She reminds me much of her mother now. Oh yeah, her parents divorced several years ago because of strife in the family and other issues. I thought Catholic parents weren't suppose to divorce?? Her brother (another Dr.) divorced his Catholic bride and later married another woman outside the Catholic Church because he didn't want to file for an annulment. Out parish priest refused to let him be the god-parent of our newborn twins because he was in bad standing with the Catholic Church. Her father sleeps with a special lady in L.A.; he moved out there to be closer to one of his sons and met her there. Good role models huh?? Her parents fought all the time and battled for control of the kids. Very mature. So instead of seeking assistance from the church, just kick me to the side, divorce me and move on to something better. What's the Church's position and doctrine on this issue because I feel violated, abandoned and cheated!!
Tell me Father Levi, what the heck did I do wrong to deserve this, what did my kids do deserve them not having their natural father there in the home to help raise them? Replace me with something better I guess? Fine, just don't let her get married in the Catholic Church Again!! That's all I ask. She and her family have disgraced the church. Not all of her family. One of her brothers is still in good standings and tries to follow the practice of the church, but when you have a brother, a sister and a father that all have violated the teachings of the Catholic Church, the Vatican and Jesus teaching, it's just a matter of time until...!?! Monkey See Monkey Do!
Here is my confession to you Father. I've looked at pornography from time to time. I cuss to much, I get angry when I feel I'm not being listened to, respected or that my opinions don't matter because I don't have a Dr. title attached to my last name, just a MSGT, USAF retired and 21 years of faithful service to this nation. I guess that doesn't matter much to most people. All my years of technical, supervisory and managerial experience dosen't mean jack to her anymore?
This letter is from the heart, put it out there without ommiting it. Let others read it and maybe they will rethink their actions and reevalute their family worth, because mine is a waste, thrown away like a bag of trash!! Happy Fathers Day I guess!?!
God Bless You Father and I appreciate you keeping me in your prayers as well as the others but it seems to me that GOD has something else in store for me?? Sanctity of Marriage...what is a Catholic Marriage??? Father Corapi and Bishop Sheen know what a Catholic marriage is. Is anyone listening to them, or to you???
I love being married. I'm faithful and hardworking. I'm loyal and honest. It's a vocation, being married. Some folks hate the idea of being tied down with one person their whole life,...not I. I can never trust this woman again, ever! So now I move forward and will find another Catholic Bride to dedicate myself to. I know she is out there waiting for me. But yet I feel like I'll be violating Jesus teachings. I WILL NOT live my life alone Father. That's not what GOD had intended for us in general. Call it co-dependent if you want, but I call it something else. Amen!
Answer by Fr. Robert J. Levis on 6/30/2008:
Dear Ex-Husband, Could you do me a big favor and reduce your post to a couple of good questions? I have such little time, please. Fr. Bob Levis
Question from EX-HUSBAND on 6/16/2008:
How does the church look at a Catholic wife who files for divorce from a 12 year marriage, three kids, two of which are new born twins only a year old, without ever talking with a Priest, Deacon, or anyone within the Catholic Church for assistance? I thought she promised in precanna that she would do everything possible to save a marriage if it began to fail? Or did she lie?? She is a Dr. now and no longer needs my help with things and uses whatever excuse is good for that day to justify her actions.
I'm ready to move on and start a new life where I'm needed and appreciated. She feels that since I'm a father and a husband that I should automatically sacrifice myself for the good of the family, which I have done much of over the course of the past 12 years. But what's wrong with a little appreciation and affection and more importantly love displayed toward ones spouse for all that they do?? She listened to her friends (resident physicians) and never once asked for help from the church. These jr. physicians help destroy a Catholic marriage, break up a family and stir up a lot of @#$*!! I swear Father if I ever run into the people that convinced her to divorce me and seperate this family...I'd love to get some payback!! But I'll leave the issue of jusitce in GODs hands because he knows all and sees all. At the end of our lives we will be judged for our actions both good and bad!!
I've been a good father and a good and supportative husband. I helped her with a years worth of college (Snr Year), supported her through two years of dental school at Creighton Univ. before she withdrew from the program because she wanted to be a medical doctor and not a dentist. I support her decision and supported and encouraged her for two years while she waited to get into a medical school. I encured expenses with application fees, moving expenses, retired early from the military so we would be together as a family. I supported her during four years of medical school and again encured expenses for the move to her residency. yet "I'm" to blame because she didn't like her location that she chose to do her residency at, Texas. I'm to blame for everything. If she didn't love me or had issues about the marriage would a person bring a new life into the world and then divorce them from their father?? Is that normal?? Not in my world it's not!!
This woman is so in love with herself now and has such an ego now it's ridiculous. Everything is still my fault, yet she hasn't taken a good look at herself in the mirror either. Yet I have pity for her. I love the kids and know that my time with them will be brief. I feel like a surrogate father, a donor sorta speak and now a fool for even getting involved with her? But GOD knows best dosen't he!?! I leave it all in his hands, "Thy Will Be Done Lord". He has a plan for me and my kids, I just wish I knew what they where.
I'm somewhat of a control freak but not that bad, it's just the military in me. You can't just dump 21 years of experience over night. She wouldn't even let me spend time with my 11 year old son on Fathers Day!! There is nothing out there Father that would justify me not being able to see my kids. Nothing!! It's just her being difficult.
What happened to her Father, why the change since graduation?? She wasn't anything like this when I first met her and later married her. She wasn't like this in Dental school or Medical School (except the last year of Med School, that's when I started to notice the changes in her personality. Her Mom is like that. She reminds me much of her mother now. Oh yeah, her parents divorced several years ago because of strife in the family and other issues. I thought Catholic parents weren't suppose to divorce?? Her brother (another Dr.) divorced his Catholic bride and later married another woman outside the Catholic Church because he didn't want to file for an annulment. Out parish priest refused to let him be the god-parent of our newborn twins because he was in bad standing with the Catholic Church. Her father sleeps with a special lady in L.A.; he moved out there to be closer to one of his sons and met her there. Good role models huh?? Her parents fought all the time and battled for control of the kids. Very mature. So instead of seeking assistance from the church, just kick me to the side, divorce me and move on to something better. What's the Church's position and doctrine on this issue because I feel violated, abandoned and cheated!!
Tell me Father Levi, what the heck did I do wrong to deserve this, what did my kids do deserve them not having their natural father there in the home to help raise them? Replace me with something better I guess? Fine, just don't let her get married in the Catholic Church Again!! That's all I ask. She and her family have disgraced the church. Not all of her family. One of her brothers is still in good standings and tries to follow the practice of the church, but when you have a brother, a sister and a father that all have violated the teachings of the Catholic Church, the Vatican and Jesus teaching, it's just a matter of time until...!?! Monkey See Monkey Do!
Here is my confession to you Father. I've looked at pornography from time to time. I cuss to much, I get angry when I feel I'm not being listened to, respected or that my opinions don't matter because I don't have a Dr. title attached to my last name, just a MSGT, USAF retired and 21 years of faithful service to this nation. I guess that doesn't matter much to most people. All my years of technical, supervisory and managerial experience dosen't mean jack to her anymore?
This letter is from the heart, put it out there without ommiting it. Let others read it and maybe they will rethink their actions and reevalute their family worth, because mine is a waste, thrown away like a bag of trash!! Happy Fathers Day I guess!?!
God Bless You Father and I appreciate you keeping me in your prayers as well as the others but it seems to me that GOD has something else in store for me?? Sanctity of Marriage...what is a Catholic Marriage??? Father Corapi and Bishop Sheen know what a Catholic marriage is. Is anyone listening to them, or to you???
I love being married. I'm faithful and hardworking. I'm loyal and honest. It's a vocation, being married. Some folks hate the idea of being tied down with one person their whole life,...not I. I can never trust this woman again, ever! So now I move forward and will find another Catholic Bride to dedicate myself to. I know she is out there waiting for me. But yet I feel like I'll be violating Jesus teachings. I WILL NOT live my life alone Father. That's not what GOD had intended for us in general. Call it co-dependent if you want, but I call it something else. Amen!
Answer by Fr. Robert J. Levis on 6/30/2008:
Dear Ex-Husband, Could you do me a big favor and reduce your post to a couple of good questions? I have such little time, please. Fr. Bob Levis
Dearest Another Abandoned Husband/Father,
ReplyDeletePlease post your comment in a clear and concise explanation for the blog readers to understand fully what you mean. Do not include any "hate" words as this is your personal mood only. Thanks.
Author, Catholic Bulletin
This fellow is obviousely hurting, and while I do appriceiate the need for brevity, your answer and that of Fr Levis could be more charitable, no?
ReplyDeleteI have felt his pain and suffering and I can only offer him this advise. Pray. God will make it better. The hurt will subside, and eventually you will feel an indifference to your present pain.
I will Pray for you as well.
Richard