Divorce and the eucharist
Question on 8/27/2008:
My husband is divorcing me after 25 years of marriage because he is tired, unhappy and does not want to be married anymore. We have five children, nine grandchildren, are active in our parish and are eucharistic ministers. I want reconciliation, but he has continued and filed for divorce. I don't know what to do actually. We both serve at the same mass and on the altar at the same time. Not only awkward and weird, but can this be right I mean to God and the Church. Is it just me or is this just wrong!? Will someone please stand up for God and tell me what the right thing is to do. No one, my priest included, will. Please help!
Answer by Fr. Jay Toborowsky on 8/31/2008:
At the very least, it presents a grave scandal for the parish if the two of you continue to serve as Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion at Mass, if the two of you are divorcing (or eventually divorced). The right thing to do, of course, is not to divorce. But if he is determined to do so, you may be powerless to prevent it. How do your children feel about this?
If he is serious about this, you may want to consult an attorney, just to make sure your legal rights to property and financial support are protected (justice calls for that). In the meantime, I'd suggest you tell your pastor that you want to take some time off from assisting with the distribution of Holy Communion. You probably would do better to spend that time at Holy Communion with the Lord, without worrying about "doing something" during that time.
Question on 8/27/2008:
My husband is divorcing me after 25 years of marriage because he is tired, unhappy and does not want to be married anymore. We have five children, nine grandchildren, are active in our parish and are eucharistic ministers. I want reconciliation, but he has continued and filed for divorce. I don't know what to do actually. We both serve at the same mass and on the altar at the same time. Not only awkward and weird, but can this be right I mean to God and the Church. Is it just me or is this just wrong!? Will someone please stand up for God and tell me what the right thing is to do. No one, my priest included, will. Please help!
Answer by Fr. Jay Toborowsky on 8/31/2008:
At the very least, it presents a grave scandal for the parish if the two of you continue to serve as Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion at Mass, if the two of you are divorcing (or eventually divorced). The right thing to do, of course, is not to divorce. But if he is determined to do so, you may be powerless to prevent it. How do your children feel about this?
If he is serious about this, you may want to consult an attorney, just to make sure your legal rights to property and financial support are protected (justice calls for that). In the meantime, I'd suggest you tell your pastor that you want to take some time off from assisting with the distribution of Holy Communion. You probably would do better to spend that time at Holy Communion with the Lord, without worrying about "doing something" during that time.
You're right, God HATES a divorcing. And the pain of a broken marriage is horrific for everyone concerned. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's wonderful of you to want to know God's feelings about it. So many just don't care today and the world is a mess because of it.
ReplyDeleteToday, anything goes and people divorce and remarry for all kinds of reasons...or don't marry at all...God's word, however, is very clear on how GOD feels about marriage and divorce. Marriage is difficult, the successful joining of two imperfect people takes effort,long term commitment, loyalty and a special kind of love. Agape. ONE WAY love...which enables one to love his mate, even when they don't necessarily deserve it at times. The way God loves us. That kind of unselfish love comes from a close personal relationship with God, so often the best treatment for a bad marriage is to study the Bible together, in depth, with the desire to learn what God says and DO it together. A marriage VOW is just that. A VOW. And God takes vows very seriously.
If your husband is determined to leave, through no fault of your own, the Bible addresses that too...At 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 we're told that if a mate SHOULD leave, they need to remain unmarried, or be considered adulterers by God.
At Genesis 1:28 God blessed the union of Adam and Eve, instructed them to have children and fill the earth. At Genesis 2:24 they were told that "...the man will stick to his wife and the two will become ONE flesh". Matthew 19:3-9 tells Christians that NO ONE should separate a married couple and that the ONLY legitimate grounds for divorce is adultery. If someone divorces a mate on other grounds, and marries another, THEY THEMSELVES are committing adultery, since the divorce was not scriptural. 1 Corinthians 6:9 & 10 tells us that "..adulterers will not inherit God's Kingdom". Malachi 2:15 & 16 tells us that God HATES a divorcing. If your husband is interested in God's feelings on things, he might find it beneficial to study the Bible with you as a family. It can be a very rewarding experience to read the word of God TOGETHER and apply what you read.2 Timothy 3:16 & 17
It doesn't belong to human beings to decide what's right and wrong, we were created to listen to GOD'S direction and obey HIS ideas on right and wrong(Jeremiah 10:23). "In all your ways take notice of HIM and he himself will make your paths straight"(Proverbs3:5& 6)
But don't give up. There are things that can help a marriage :
Definitely STUDYING THE BIBLE together...abd applying what you learn
PRAYER together (Philippians 4:6&7)
Following the principle of HEADSHIP.(1 Corin 11:3)explains that a wife is in subjection to her husband, but a husband is in subjection to the Christ, so he must take a loving lead in the family and the wife must be respectful of that lead.
Ephesians 4:31 & 32 instructs us to be KIND to one another, merciful and forgiving of eachother (1 Peter 3:1-7)
Confining SEXUAL INTEREST to one's own mate (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Acquiring the fruitage of the spirit in your personalities (Galatians 5:22&23)
So, if you want God's feelings on things, the Bible can tell you what they are. The hard part is DOING it. (Matthew 7:21-23)
I wish you all the best.(Philippians 1:27)